it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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