my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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