Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
