I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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