I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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