There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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