had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize