You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize