I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
