did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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