Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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