how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
