i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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