So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
