no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
