suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
is wine microwaveable?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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