You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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