ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
sex in a hospital.. check
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
