i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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