Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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