Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
