I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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