my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
