I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
