Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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