My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
