if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
