You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
