I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
