He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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