Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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