one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Is it because I queefed?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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