did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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