He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
