This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
