my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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