just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
