Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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