Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
