She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
