Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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