Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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