take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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