o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
people are starting to question the shark bite story
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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