apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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