Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
