ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize