So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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