My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
