I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
