my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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