Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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