so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We're too hungover to prance.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
