My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
