I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
