i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
