Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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