i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize