And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
