I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
