I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
