is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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