btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
