I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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