I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Less talking, more tequila
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You made out with two different species that night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize