dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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