my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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