youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
