apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
