matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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