There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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