i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
