I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
