I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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