She is in my trunk
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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